I am not my hair!
Fear, assumptions, sexism, stereotypical mindset. I had been conditioned by society to not ever let my grey show. I could not even consciously think about it until my white line kept talking to me. I got tired of coloring, and seeing this true, natural reminder: MY WHITE LINE! One day, I started talking back to this white line. What was I afraid of? My age? My natural color? What people would think? My own vanity? So I started exploring my mindset. I started talking back to my white line and what it represented to me. I went and tried on grey wigs. I wrote about it. I talked about it. My beloved hair stylist processed with me. In March of 2017, I started lightening my hair. This process lasted about a year, and then after much conversation and self exploration I said “I’m cutting my hair off!” 25 years of long hair. I was ready. GONE! There it went on the floor. All those years of processed hair. I loved the change. My hair stylist kept putting a few blonde highlights in, but we stopped coloring the base of my hair. My roots were saying, “Hello, we're here!”, and I was learning to embrace them. On July 8th this past summer, I said “no more dye!” I went through many emotions on this journey. I kept cutting my hair even shorter to get this question answered:
Who am I under all this dye? Who am I now?
I feel such authentic freedom. My confidence changed, and I was amazed at how much of my self-esteem went into my hair!!! Or so I thought. Watching other women own their power to move to their natural hair color helped me move past some deep rooted challenges that started when I was a young child. I really hated my hair as a young girl. I didn’t know how to grow it, so it stayed short, brittle, and frizzy. When I finally figured out how to grow my hair in my early 20’s, I never thought I’d let my hair go short again. I realized during this journey that I needed to cut my hair so I could let go of that childhood negative energy that was still haunting me. Cutting my hair released me. Letting my beautiful natural salt and pepper color and curls come through was the icing on the cake. Exhale! I love this journey of self discovery. Even when it is hard, coming out on the other side feels so empowering. To all those brave women who have been wearing their natural hair, thank you for supporting me, even when you didn’t know you were.